Of Sunlight and Shadow
by theroguesgambit
Summary: Morgause visits the tomb of her father and is interrupted by an unexpected guest who has a revelation that will change everything.


A/N: This was my response to a fanfiction challenge I was given on a Merlin fansite. The challenge was to write a story featuring Gaius and Morgause with the object prompt of sunlight. I was also given two quotes to incorporate into the story, the first making up one section of the story, and the second being thought or said by one of the characters:

The quotes: "The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk." and "When angry, count four; When very angry, swear."

Difficult, but fun. Hope you enjoy. :)

**Of Sunlight and Shadow  
**

She had always expected this day to be darker, somehow. The sunlight gleaming cheerfully upon the grass, the stones, and her own dark clothes of mourning, felt painfully at odds with the regret and anger boiling inside of her.

But the world ignored her anger, as it had so often ignored her in the past. She had been forgotten by the world, by the city of her birth, and by this man at whose tomb she stood; the man who had given her life.

"Hello, Gorlois," she breathed, the name grating painfully in her throat. She had never quite known what to call this man. When she had first visited this tomb nearly ten years before – an awkward, gangly girl on the brink of womanhood – she had knelt before this stone and tried calling him "father." But, no matter what her official lineage might say, she had never thought of this man as a parent.

"I thought you'd like to know: I finally met her. The daughter you had after you had me. The daughter you kept." The stone crypt loomed in front of her – cold, gray, and as unresponsive as ever. She averted her eyes, and was shocked to find her vision blurring. It must have been the sunlight – that invasive, ugly sunlight, so bright it was burning her eyes.

She scowled up at the heavens, and then - in a sudden, spiteful motion - she raised her hand, spit out a guttural phrase, and watched as the sky quickly darkened above her.

"Not a bad trick. You learned the ways of the Old Religion well."

The voice startled her and she reacted on instinct, tugging her sword from its sheath at her hip in one smooth, even motion and spinning about to face… an old man. As she watched, he made his way out from the edge of the tree line and up the hill toward her, seeming completely unconcerned by her weapon or her cold expression.

The man was no stranger; she had met him during her time in Camelot. He was the physician in the palace, King Uther's loyal servant.

"What are you doing here, Gaius?" The old man smiled.

"It's good to see you again too, Morgause."

She wasn't in the mood for pleasantries. If Gaius had somehow tracked her here, what was to say that the Knights of Camelot weren't far behind? After her failed attempt to set Arthur against his father, her name was probably a cursed one within the walls of Camelot.

"I asked you a question, old man. I expect you to answer it."

He smiled again, in the frustrating, patient way of his, and came to a stop several feet from her, a short step and a stab away from her sword. It unnerved her, how very unconcerned he seemed.

"Or what, child? You'll murder me beside your father's own grave?"

_That_ startled her. She lowered the blade slightly, eyes going wide.

"You know about me? Who I am?"

High above them, thunder clashed. Rain began to fall. The man sighed, casting a weary glance toward the tomb.

"After I saw your bracelet? How could I not?"

She nodded. The man was clever, well learned. He would of course know the crest of the great house of Gorlois… even if the man's own youngest daughter did not.

"Morgana has no idea, does she?" Morgause had half-hoped that Morgana would see the bracelet and realize their connection immediately; even though she'd known it was unlikely. After all, her father had died when she was very young, and since then she had ceased to be Morgana, Daughter of Gorlois, and instead become the King's Ward. There was no reason at all for her to recognize the crest.

Gaius shook his head, crossing his arms against the chill of the rain beating down on him.

"In her mind, she is his only daughter. No one knows who you are save myself… and the king."

Morgause felt her temper flare again, and – perhaps not coincidentally – a long beam of lightning sparked across the sky as she snapped,

"You told the king what you know? And then… what, he sent you here on some backwards manhunt to bring me to justice?"

Gaius seemed genuinely startled by the accusation.

"Morgause, I simply came to visit the grave of an old friend."

"On the one day a year that I visit it?" She thought it more than a little unlikely… until Gaius spoke again.

"No, Morgause. I don't think either of us appeared here by chance. After all, this is a special day for us both."

Morgause quirked an eyebrow.

"The day I was born. The day this man ceased to be my father and sent me away. But I don't see what that has to do with-"

"It has everything to do with me, child. Your father didn't send me away. I did."

.-

Morgause stood there on the hill for a long time after the old man had left, still and numb with shock. He had been right about one thing – she hadn't been able to kill him, not right next to Gorlois' grave. All she could do was stand there, Gaius's terrible secret ringing through her mind.

_"I sent you away, Morgause," _he had told her. _"I thought it would be for the best. When Gorlois and Ygraine gave birth to you, it was out of wedlock. She had been promised to the king, and no one knew what Uther would do to you or your parents. I knew that the only chance of Uther forgiving either of them would be if you, the constant reminder of Ygraine's betrayal, were to disappear. I told everyone you had died, and sent you away to the one place I knew you would be safe: to the Druids. Ygraine married Uther, and Gorlois wed and had Morgana. I thought this would be a better life for you, but now I realize it has only caused more heartache. I hope one day you will forgive me."_

And then he had gone, leaving Morgause's world spinning. All her life, she had blamed Gorlois for abandoning her. She had been bitter and angry when she'd found out he had another daughter; a daughter he'd chosen to keep. But he hadn't abandoned her at all; he'd thought she'd died as an infant.

And Gaius was all to blame.

_When angry, count four. When very angry, swear._

And swear she did, screaming out to the heavens, hearing her voice high over the pounding rain, bleeding into angry thunderclaps that shook the very earth beneath her. She turned toward the tomb and kicked it savagely, needing something to take out her anger on, before stopping. She was doing it again, wasn't she? Taking out her anger on the one who didn't deserve it. It wasn't Gorlois who had wronged her, after all. It was Gaius.

She left the tomb on the hill, storming toward Camelot.

.-

It was a long walk, and as she went she found her temper slowly cooling.

The more she thought about it, the less certain she was that she was angry at Gaius at all. After all, what kind of life would she have had at Camelot? She would have either been taken in by Uther – a punishment she would wish on no one, least of all herself – or been left with Gorlois and been publicly known as a product out of wedlock. She would also never have been able to use her magic, and been left as ignorant of her powers as her unfortunate sister, Morgana. Perhaps Gaius had done her a favor by sending her away to the priestesses of the Old Religion.

Perhaps she should be grateful to the old man, after all.

Eventually, Morgause discovered that instead of marching toward Camelot, she had really wandered in a large circle. She was back on the hill, in front of Gorlois's tomb. The rain had stopped in her absence, but the sky was still darkly overcast, the ground soft with mud.

She didn't mind the dampness, and knelt down slowly in front of the tomb.

"Gorlois," she started softly, but the word felt wrong on her tongue. "I'm sorry that I came here so many times to yell at you, to insult you. I didn't know what you didn't know. I didn't know that you were deceived. That you believed me dead. If I'd known then… maybe things would have been different."

She reached out hesitantly to run her fingers along the tomb, and for once the stone didn't feel quite so cold and uninviting. The wind shifted, carrying the clouds away with it.

"I'll come visit again next year… Father."

Morgause stood and began to make her way down the grassy hill, peering up at the clear blue sky. It was a good day for sunshine.

~End


End file.
